If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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