Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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