totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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