I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize