So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
