I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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