I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
