Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
