I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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