I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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