mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
