wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize