DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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