Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
