his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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