My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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