Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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