the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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