I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All the doctor said was why
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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