I'm drive I can fine osifer
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
