How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
