They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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