please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
