3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
