So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
