the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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