By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
