He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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