I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
