I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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