I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
