I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up under a house in Key West
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
