Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
