I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you. Go after that dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
