i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
