oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...