Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG