: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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