All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.