5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you