I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
