I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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