There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
