There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
