Me too!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
porn star boner night. come get it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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