Yo dont text me then not text me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
