it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
