barbara walters just said penis...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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