What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
