we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
