i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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