dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
