We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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