she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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