I love black thongs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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