No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
