i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
