good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
