when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
