their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
