The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
