I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
