You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
