Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
worst night to have a conscience
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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