Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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