No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
