she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
