he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize